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Divorce is never going to be easy for women, but it gets even more stressful when you find yourself in the middle of a high-conflict divorce proceeding. It has the tendency to push your emotional buttons, check your financial patience, and take a toll on your mental and physical health. Being in a situation that involves a partner who loves chaos, or who can’t bargain fairly, may mean that your mental health is always on the line, but you can try certain strategies to help protect your sanity.
Build a Professional Buffer to Manage Conflict
Something you can always do to protect your mental health is to stop being your own advocate. Once things get ugly, every conversation with your ex-husband will trigger stress and anxiety. That’s why it matters a lot to have a professional buffer who saves you from being in the direct line of fire.
Ideally, you need to look for someone who understands the local laws and situations. For instance, if you find yourself facing a divorce case in one of California’s top cities, such as San Jose, you need to be with someone who has already handled similar cases in the past. Divorce cases in this city can be more complicated due to assets like stock options and real estate. Be sure to do your research and hire an experienced family law attorney in San Jose to represent you in court.
A specialist who handles family law cases can help calm things down a little amidst the chaos. As they already have experience dealing with the court system, you can rest assured that your rights are protected from the very start, without having to get your nose bloody in every little argument.
Implement “The Gray Rock” Communication Protocol
Even after getting your legal buffer in place, you’ll still need to have a protocol defined to manage your day-to-day communication. That’s when you can try the “Gray Rock” strategy, a psychological trick that involves being as dull and unresponsive as a gray rock. It’s a useful strategy because people in high-conflict divorces are often fueled by reactions.
High-conflict divorce cases usually don’t remain in a courtroom. They spill over into drop-offs, school functions, or late night emails. Unless you do something about it, you leave your nervous system in a continuous “fight or flight” mode, which can totally destroy your mental health over time.
Prioritize Physiological Recovery Over “Pampering”
Most people agree that you must pay attention to self-care when undergoing a divorce proceeding, but having wine nights or taking bubble baths won’t suffice. When you’re going through a high-conflict divorce, you need to prioritize your physiological health, as stress is not only in your head but more like a physical reaction that takes place within your body.
Remember, the cortisol released after having an argument with your ex-husband will keep accumulating in your body and affect your digestive system, sleep patterns, and immune system. To avoid getting in trouble, begin by protecting your sleep at all costs. Perhaps remove your phone from your bedroom, so you don’t have to wake up at three a.m. to check a nasty email that keeps you from falling asleep again.
Be sure to exercise and move your body to flush out cortisol and stuck-up adrenaline. In addition, pay attention to what you eat, as going for whole foods in place of processed foods can boost your energy, which is essential when you have a long legal battle ahead of you.
Endnote
Going through a high conflict divorce is one of the hardest things you may experience and yet it doesn’t have to define your future. Keep these strategies in mind to put yourself in a better position for a healthy, stable life following a divorce.
