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Online dating and social media have changed the way we connect and form relationships in the sense that you can now link up with anyone, anywhere in the world, with just the click of a button. But then, they’ve also created new risks, the biggest being romance scams. This dangerous type of scam, wielded by fraudsters, is designed to exploit not just our emotions but also our trust for personal gain. Even worse, it causes significant financial and emotional harm.
Who are the victims? Anyone. Women, though (particularly those over 60), are disproportionately targeted. In fact, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) reported that older adults lost nearly $357 million to confidence/romance scams alone in 2023, as confirmed in their Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) Elder Fraud Report. Sadly, this stat is growing by the day.
How then can you, as a woman, recognize romance scams and avoid falling victim without the fear of conducting online activities? We’ll talk about how you can run his number through a reverse phone lookup and other methods that will help you stay protected.
What Is a Romance Scam?
A romance scam is a type of fraud that involves a scammer making up a fake online profile to trick people, then bleeding them dry financially. But there’s usually more to the backstory they create.
A lot of times, the scammer will claim to be in the military. Or they’ll say they’re a doctor or businessman working overseas. Whatever the backstory, the goal is clear: to appear more legit and trustworthy. And it sells by the ton. I mean, who wouldn’t want to chat with a rugged special ops guy who is hands down funny and rich with stories of successful recon missions in the Middle East or a successful Dubai-based entrepreneur, right?
The scammer reels the victim in with this intriguing persona, building up the relationship until they feel comfortable enough to make their move. That’s when things switch up. They’ll suddenly claim to be in a crisis, like needing money for a medical emergency or a business deal gone wrong, or they may propose an investment opportunity with jaw-dropping returns. Feeling sorry or tempted, the unsuspecting victim sends cash or gifts.
Once the scammer gets hold of that, they disappear for good. In some cases, they may stay around, hatching bigger schemes to defraud the victim of more money. Romance scams are financially ruinous and emotionally devastating, considering they leave their victims cash-strapped or feeling embarrassed, ashamed, upset, and, in worst situations, suicidal. As such, they must be exposed.
How to Spot a Romance Scam
In all romance scams, the red flags are there from the onset. However, most victims, starved in certain aspects of their lives, are blinded by what they see or hear and fail to ask the right questions. So here’s all you should know:
· Why Is This Too Good to Be True?
Well, because it is. If someone you just met a couple of days ago professes love immediately or seems overly perfect (saying all the right things you need to hear), be cautious, as it might be a scammer. Scammers often move fast to establish trust and then strike; the quicker the pace, the closer they are to their goal.
· Why Are They Avoiding Personal Interaction?
They aren’t who they claim to be. This is especially true after you’ve asked them a countless number of times to meet in person or have a video call. The typical story here revolves around work or travel commitments.
· Why Are They Asking for Money so Soon?
Forget all that talk about being detained at the airport and needing a bailout. No one is detained, not too early into the relationship. They just want your money. Simple as that.
· Why Are the Stories Not Adding Up?
Because they’re built on lies. Try this: note everything down to the letter the first time they tell you their story (preferably over a phone call). Tell them you’ll think about it. After two weeks, pretend you’ve forgotten details of the story and request a re-run. If there are inconsistencies or if they become defensive when you question them about the specifics, that’s a big-frigging red flag.
· Why Do They Tell Me Not to Tell Anyone?
They want you to be more dependent on them. It’s not rocket science. This is the classic isolation tactic that keeps you from getting a second opinion from a trusted friend or family member, so you don’t see the scammer and the scam for what they truly are.
How to Protect Yourself From Romance Fraud
Proactive measures against romance scams are there to prevent emotional pain and financial loss. And for a woman, these two factors are worth considering when talking to any potential lover online. So, what measures should you take?
1. Limit Personal Information Sharing Online
Mind what you share on social media and dating platforms. It might look innocent (and sure, it is in the real sense), but it could be all a scammer needs to box you in. Sensitive information like your address, workplace, or daily routines has no place being made public. If needed, restrict it to family and friends.
2. Verify Their Identity
Before taking the relationship further, get to know them beyond words and actions. Yes, Jake from Florida seems like the perfect gentleman, but have you considered verifying his background? Why not run his number through a reverse phone lookup to check if it matches the identity he claims?
3. Be Cautious with Communication
A scammer’s typical playbook is to start off on a dating app and then, all of a sudden, move you to a private channel like email or Facebook, where they have more control. And this is before you even establish trust with them. If you get such a request, don’t rush. Insist on video or voice calls. After all, they want to be more personal or intimate, right? See how they respond to intentional delays or outright questions; that will tell you more about their intentions.
4. Never Send Money
No matter how convincing their story sounds, never send money or gifts to someone you’ve only met online, even if the amount or value of what’s requested means nothing to you. What seems so small can snowball into something that would leave you penniless. If you feel inclined to give, ensure it’s after you’ve done a background check on the person and gotten to know them like the back of your palm.
5. Consult People You Trust
Before making any big decision (sharing sensitive information or sending funds), consult your friends, family members, or a professional. These people can offer you a clear perspective on your situation. Who knows? They may even spot red flags you’ve missed.
Consider the case of a woman who met a man online claiming to be a U.S. Army officer. After several exchanges, he asked her to send money to address a supposed insurance case about his late wife, promising to give her thirty times the amount. She sent over £20,000 before realizing it was a scam. Perhaps you’re thinking, “If only she had told someone else before doing it.”
Let’s Wrap It Up
Romance scams are a growing threat, one you can’t overlook or downplay as a woman. Worse, they’re evolving every day. Thankfully, you have a guide to keep you informed. But then, information is just the tip of the iceberg. Your instincts are the real deal, the compass that can guide you to make the right decision with the information you’ve just acquired. So trust them.
If something feels off, report it. Let platform administrators know. If you live in the U.S., file a complaint with the FTC. Also, keep records of messages and transactions. They’re proof of your claims that help investigators in their search and protect you from further harm.
